I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
