She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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