I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
