How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
