I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
