Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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