i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't deserve a penis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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