I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
