So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
