would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
