you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
