Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
