i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
