I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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