i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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