One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize