why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
