from now on my penis is your penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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