well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was CRYING into my vagina
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
