i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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