Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
