and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
