One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
