Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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