Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
