Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
