if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
