when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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