He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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