every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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