I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
