I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
