is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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