Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
