Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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