I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
