So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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