sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
