Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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