On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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