I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
