just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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