Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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