Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
