The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I smell stomach acid.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
