I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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