gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
