Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ugly people sure do ruin things
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
