She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
