I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
