Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
