drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
