my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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