You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
