Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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