I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize