did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
